8th Posting: Time to Come Out and Play.

Friday, October 29, 2010 will go down as one of the most difficult, exciting, painful, and rewarding days I have ever been through.  Luke David was born.  Here is his story.

I woke up early that day having some mild contractions.  I talked to the nurse about it but she assured me it was most likely Braxton Hicks (false labor pains).  I was okay with that.  They weren't very painful or consistent at the time.  Things were a-changing though. By the time the afternoon came, the inconsistency turned more consistent and the pain was definitely noticeable.  I brought it up to another nurse.  She looked at the monitor which registers the baby's heart beat and if I was having any contraction.  Not many were registering.  Braxton Hicks were brought up again.  Maybe I needed to go to the bathroom, she said.  Or, maybe I was just hungry.  Sometimes those issues can irritate the uterus.  I took her suggestions and got a little relief, but the relief never lasted very long.  It was very frustrating to have a painful contraction and look at the monitor to see it didn't register.  The nurse said she believed I was having them, but I also knew if they didn't show up on the monitoring slip, no doctor would.

By supper time, the pain was surfacing every ten minutes and I was worried.  All my other labors went so fast.  For Ginni, she took the longest because she was my first.  The doctors predicted somewhere around midnight I'd deliver.  I had her at 10:30 in the morning.  Charlotte, a nurse delivered her with one gloved hand and the bed wasn't even set up.  With Emma, the doctor came in just in time to catch her, otherwise it would have been another nurse delivery.   This baby was breech so I knew I had to have a C-section.  If we waited too long, I could see the baby getting stuck.  It made no sense to me why they weren't getting things together for the surgery.  Chris and I told the nurses time and time again that I'd go fast.  Still, we weren't taken seriously.  I wasn't contracting less then 10 minutes apart so there was nothing to worry about.  Well, I guess I showed them.

I went from having contractions every ten minutes to every three minutes with a drop of the hat.  I asked the nurses a couple of times if they'd check me, but my doctor said no to that.  With pPROM you're not supposed to be checked because of the high risk of infection.  My doctor wasn't there and obviously believed I wasn't really in labor.   That's when the nurses got a hold of the doctor on call and asked him several times until he gave in.  Thank you nurses!!!  I was 100% dilated and the baby's rear end was coming down the birth canal.    High gear was put in gear! 

I was rushed down to the OR.  The contractions were so intense at this point and I wasn't allowed to push.  That was the hardest thing not to do.  The anesthesiologist who was supposed to work with me was in another surgery, so they paged a second one.  His pager didn't go off the first couple of attempts.  Most of the time for an emergency C-section, you're in an out in five minutes.  We sat there for an hour waiting for this doctor to arrive.  All the while my contractions were on top of each other.  Imagine being strapped down to the operating table with your arms extended, experiencing massive pain.  Can you say, NOT FUN?  When he did finally get there, I was knocked out instead of the typical epidural.  General anesthesia works a lot quicker than the epidural and time was of the essence.  This baby needed to get out!

I was told I lost a lot of blood.  The baby is also badly bruised because he was so far down the birthing canal.  With that being said, we are both here and recovering.  Little Luke David was born at 7:41pm on October 29, 2010.  He weighed 3 pounds, 1 ounce and measured 14.5 inches long.  This baby, who supposedly didn't have a chance, never had any measurable fluid, is now on his third day in the NICU and is doing wonderfully.  Everything is going in the right direction.  Of course we're not out of the woods yet, but to so many people, he should have never made it this far!  All we wanted was to give him the best chance possible, and now, we're beyond that.  Now, we get to KNOW him.  We have already made memories and are looking so forward to the many more to come.

Thank you to all who have helped.  Thank you to the many Facebook people out there who urged me on during those long hours of the unknown.  Thank you to those who prayed and sent well wishes.  Thank you to all who supported us and kept us moving forward.

Life is a miracle.  Life is a gift.  We continue on.  Thank you God.

Our Little Boy, Luke David 3pounds 1 ounce. 14.5 inches long. Born October 29, 2010

7th Posting: Watching the Seasons Go By from My Window

When my water first broke, it was the middle of summer.  Now I lay in my hospital bed, watching the leaves change and the wind fiercely blow.  I used to wake up to the sun already high in the sky, but now, there's darkness and I'm able to watch the sunrise.  It's a gorgeous one this morning with a swirling mix of purple clouds and orange light.  I find days like this easier to be a bed rester.  Instinctively my body would rather be in bed than outside.  So weird to think I've missed summer, and now fall.  When this is over there will be snow on the ground. Life is honestly passing me by.

Things have been pretty quiet baby wise and I'm glad.  I still get contractions here and there, but now I think that's the way it's supposed to be.  I am taking it easy more than ever because I feel like I'm on the fence.  I could honestly go at any minute.  At this point, we've even started to limit visitors because of the obvious exertion it takes on my part (remember, low-grade fever!).  People have been very understanding which I am so thankful for.  I just don't want to hurt any one's feelings.  I want them to know how much we appreciate their kindness and efforts.

Other than that, I'll be 28 weeks tomorrow.  That's a huge week when it comes to being a preemie.  Seems early doesn't it? (The normal pregnancy gestation is 40 weeks)  The thing is, once a baby hits this 28 week mark, the potential problems and disabilities caused by prematurity drops dramatically.  A baby's survival rate at this stage is 96%!  Of course we'll always have to take into account our baby's special circumstances, but the longer s/he stays in, the better the odds.  As a gambler, I just love them odds!

I also have an ultrasound on Friday.  It's been over a month since I had my last one, which of course, showed no measurable fluid,  I'm hoping for a little bit of SOMETHING in there since I've dedicated all my time to laying around.  I don't feel like I leak as much as I did at home.  Ideal situation is to see my little baby swimming like a mermaid in amniotic fluid and have those darn legs uncrossed so we can see what we're having!!!  This little stinker is such a drama lover through and through.   Good thing he's spunky. Besides prayers and the grace of God,  I think that's what has gotten us this far.  Come on kid.  Give us a break!

Some pics to share

Check out Chris' crazy lumberjack beard! 
He stopped shaving when my water broke and he won't shave until the baby is born.
Check out all that gray!  

Day time view from my room.  Love it.

My home away from home.

A little Halloween project for my girls. :)

Check out the decorating job my girls did!

Night time view.  I don't even shut the shades at night.  Too pretty



Adventures of a pPROM Queen

6th posting: 27+3 days

Holy buckets, baby has been moving around like a maniac!  Besides me getting woken up for those wonderful monitoring sessions throughout the night, this baby has decided to do his best impression of the Alien movie inside my belly!

I feel sore and I don't know what to make of it.  My belly is not tender to the touch.  That's a good thing.  If it were, that'd be a sign that an infection was setting in.  It's probably from the lack of fluid and the baby moving around so much.  Still, gotta keep a close eye on the situation.

Other than that, it's a low-key weekend.  My oldest daughter, Ginni is sick with a fever and sore throat so my family hasn't been up for their weekly visit.  I was supposed to have visitors yesterday, but asked if we could make it another time.  Sleep deprivation is getting the best of me. Yesterday,  I was so tired I could barely speak.  That is not an exaggeration.  I'm thankful my would-be visitors were so understanding.  I have to say, it's amazing how being on bed rest affects so many things.  Besides my body resembling the muscle tone of Jabba the Hut, I've become even mentally wussy. Often times, when people come to see me, by the time they leave, I have a low-grade fever.  You know it's bad when TALKING over-exerts a person.

Today is gloomy Sunday.  I will most likely do exactly what I did yesterday.  Watch lots of TV and attempt naps.  I just hope this baby keeps hanging in there.  Every day in the womb is 3 days in the NICU.  Stay in there Baby Steffen!!!

*****
Just an update.  My family did come to see me for a half hour today.  Ginni's fever broke.  It was great seeing them.  I miss them a lot!

5th Posting: 27+1 Weeks!

I'm 27+1 weeks today.  It's getting to the point where I'm totally amazed I've gotten this far.  It hasn't been a walk in the park, but it's been okay.  Definitely easier than those first couple of weeks where life changed so quickly.  Soooo glad to be past that point! 

Since I'm in the hospital, the staff supervisor arranged something called a "care conference" for me yesterday.  It's a meeting where my OB, a doctor from the NICU, some nurses, and other various staff meet to discuss the details of my pregnancy and course of action once delivery takes place.  Chris was able to take off of work for this meeting and I was so thankful for that.  He needed to be there as much as I did.

There were a lot of things we discussed that were a bit difficult.  In this situation you have to be realistic and know one outcome is as likely as another.  The thing that really bothered me though was the definitive nature of the doctors' statements.  Chris and I were told things like, "Since your baby has no fluid, this WILL happen." and it wasn't good.  I do understand that is a possibility, but why can't there be just a pinch of hope?  Why couldn't it be said that "Such and such may happen, but you've gotten this far, so who knows?"  At times I can't help to feel like these doctors are just humoring me.  Like they know the end of the story but are  letting me foolishly believe in some fairy tale ending.  Ticks me off.

What I'm going through is rare.  There aren't a lot of studies out there, but the few I've seen are WEAK.  There aren't a lot of subjects to get stats from.  The focus groups consist of laughably low numbers, like 20 or 15 women. That's why it floors me when these doctors seem so certain.  I do know bad things can happen, but for every bad outcome I can show you at least one good one!  I know of two women, right off the top of my head, that had their waters rupture around 14 weeks.  One of them never had any measurable fluid.  She has a baby girl at home with her.  The other had no measurable fluid until 24 weeks.  Her little boy is seven!  To claim there is no chance is ridiculous.  I do respect these doctors, but they have to learn to see each person as an individual, instead of constantly grouping us into categories. 

There are women out there who are fighting for pPROM awareness.  I thank you.  Hopefully in time, the word will get out that having this happen to you can still lead to a happy outcome.

I'm on my way to 28 weeks.  Day by day.  pPROMer's, baby and I will keep fighting this fight.  I don't know what the future will bring, but if we can't show these doctors, you can!  Don't give up HOPE.  Keep truckin'!!!  10-4 good buddy,  over and out!!!

4th Posting: 10 Things You Should Never to Say to a pPROMer

People have actually said some of these things to me.  Others are purely fictional.  All would annoy the heck out of a pPROMer.  Not listed in any type of order.


1.  "You're huge!"


2.  "How much are you leaking?" (You've all learned from my last post this is a no-no.) Another variation of the question, "Describe how you're leaking."


3.  "What's for supper?"


4.  "I know how you feel." (unless you are going through pPROM yourself.)


5.  "It is soooo nice outside today!"


6.  "My life is harder than yours right now."


7.  "You have such a LONG WAY to go!"


8.  "Boy, do you need a dye job!"


9.  "Go get me a beer."


10.  "I sure wish I could lay around all day."


Have any more to add?  Love to see it in the comments section!

3rd Posting: A Leak or Not a Leak? That is the million dollar question.

Being in the hospital for almost three weeks now, I've dealt with many different nurses and many of the same questions.  They'll ask me how I'm feeling, any cramping, tenderness in the tummy area, etc.  I don't really mind repeating the same answers again and again; HOWEVER, there is one question that causes some frustration.  That question is...HOW MUCH ARE YOU LEAKING?  Uhhhh, how in the heck am I supposed to answer that?  There is no set rhyme or reason how or why.  There are no measuring tools involved.  All I know is that I leak every day and that's all I can say. 

Having said that, I now would like to talk about how my leaking has been for those going through pPROM, or those of you who are simply interested.  If the talk of amniotic fluid grosses  you out--this may be the blog entry to skip.

First of all, the reason why we're leaking (besides the obvious rupture of membranes) is because even though we've lost our initial amniotic fluid, the baby keeps producing more.  What is amniotic fluid?  To put it bluntly, amniotic fluid is baby pee.  That is why a lot of women in my situation drink
 A LOT of liquids.  I personally drink at least a gallon (4 liters) a day.  The more you drink, the more trips to the bathroom you'll make, and the more your baby will go as well.  With the amniotic sac having a tear, not everything is going to stay in there, but what ever will is a bonus!

When this first happened to me, I didn't leak very much at all.  A 14 week baby in utero doesn't go that much!  There'd be a couple of "trickles" now and then, and when I'd get up in the morning, I'd experience a small gushing sensation.  This was because the fluid was building up in the pelvic area while I was laying down and would come out as soon as I stood up.  It didn't mean I was leaking more at night.  It just had a place for storage.  Yes, gross I know.

As the weeks went on, the baby grew, and with that, the amount of fluid he would release also increased in quantity.  I would experience the gushes more often.  Sometimes when I stood up.  Other times, I'd just be sitting there.  As I mentioned before, no rhyme or reason.

With the baby getting bigger, there's also a chance he will block part or all of the tear in the amniotic sac.  I've had it happen a couple of times where I'll go one or two days without leaking, but once that baby decides to move...you know where I'm going with it.

In the beginning, those feelings of trickles and gushes can really cause some emotions.  I  would get so upset whenever I felt one.  It was a constant reminder of the situation I'm in and what it could mean for this little baby inside me.  However, now that I've been at this for over 13 weeks, I sometimes get startled, but it doesn't cause the fear or disappointment it did in the beginning.  It's truly all a matter of how you look at it.  Something you have to keep in mind is, if you're trying your best, that's all you can do.  If you get a gush, be happy that the amniotic fluid had some time to build up.  Your baby used that fluid!  If you get a trickle, tell yourself that was wussy.  Some of that liquid has to be still in there!

Whatever the case is, leaking is pretty much a daily occurrence, but the amount is changing all the time.  Even though it can be frustrating, keep in mind it's a solid assurance that the baby's bladder and kidneys are functioning the way they should.  It's a sign your baby is developing.  And that, is a good thing!

2nd posting: Bed resting forever, and ever, and ever....

Somewhat of a milestone today.  I've been on bed rest for 13 weeks.  That's 91 days!!!  So glad I can say we are over the hump in this little adventure. 

So, what does a person do on bed rest?  Gosh, I'm just as busy as can be (note sarcasm)! I start out the day with getting monitored at seven o'clock.  Why am I getting monitored you ask?  Well, since I have little amniotic fluid, there is a good chance the baby may rest up against the umbilical chord.  If that happens, it results in a "d-cel" which is a deceleration of the heart.  You'd be amazed at how fast that heart rate can change!  One minute we're going strong at 140 beats per minute, and then BAM, down to 80.  Normally when that happens, the baby realizes it and moves, thus taking the pressure off the chord.  Sometimes though, as the baby get bigger, he may not be able to readjust.  That's when action must take place, sometimes all it takes is the mommy repositioning herself, other times it can result in an emergency C-section.  So far, my baby has had d-cells, but they've quickly returned to a normal heartbeat. Still, kind of freaks a mommy out when she hears it!

During my monitoring time, the family is getting ready for school and calls me on the web cam to wish me a good morning.  I am so thankful for that web cam and highly recommend it for anyone staying in the hospital for a good length of time.  It has made my hospital stay a lot easier.  Out of all the kids, Emma, my 6 year old and certified momma's girl, has taken this separation the hardest.  The first week she would call me after school, show me all the stuff she brought home that day.  Then, she'd read me stories and draw pictures while I sat and did crossword puzzles.  We felt like we were together even though we're about 30 miles apart. 

The rest of the day involves watching pointless TV, a quilting project, doodling in my sketchpad, and hours of computer time.  I am a member of a couple of support groups that have helped me immensely.  These are:   http://www.facebook.com/#!/group.php?gid=66565645322 which is a Facebook site called (P)Prom, Preterm Premature Rupture Of Membranes, and http://community.babycenter.com/groups/a6718373/pprom_support_group named pProm Support Group on the Babycenter website.  Talking with other women who are going through the same thing really, really helps make the time go by.  It's neat because you can ask women who are ahead of you questions, and you can give advice to those who are not as far as you. 

Other than that, food is a big part of the day.  Those meals break things up a bit.  I also shower every day.  Some women going through this shower as little as possible.  They believe the less active you are, the more fluid will stay inside you.  Well, for my sanity, I take the risk.  Even though I don't get too dirty laying around, it feels good to have that time out of bed.  Whatever you can do to keep your sanity, do it!

So, that's pretty much it.  Very different from the life I was living 13 weeks ago.  I tell you though, on the positive side, I think I was living life way too fast before.  I was always planning what to do next instead on concentrating on what I was involved in at the moment.  I'm hoping once this is done, I can keep the pace at a decent level and enjoy what I have at that time.  It's a lesson to be learned for sure!

1st Posting: My story as a pPROM Queen

I'm starting this blog a little late in my journey, but I do believe it's necessary for all people going through this battle.  I remember when this first happened to me I wanted to read all I could.  There just wasn't much out there--especially for someone who pPROM'ed so early.  Soooooo, let the story begin!

The date was July 17, 2010.  I was 13+5 weeks pregnant and was actually feeling pretty good.  I was coming out of the first trimester which is often full of fatigue and nausea.  This was one of the days I had energy so I used it.  Did some laundry, cleaned the house, took my three daughters to the library, surprised them with a stop at the ice-cream shop.  Then I came home and mowed the lawn.  When my husband came home from work, we ate supper and then the whole family hung out in the livingroom.  We were all in a good mood.  After a bit, I excused myself to finish folding the laundry I had begun earlier.  That's where the nightmare began. 

Out of nowhere, a huge gush of fluid went down my legs and all over the floor.  I started crying instantly.  I knew what had happened.  My water broke!  Instantly I thought this would be the end.  Why in the world would my water break this early otherwise????  In moments we were in the car, speeding to the hospital not knowing what would happen.  There was a point where I coughed and felt another horrible gush.  Things were not good.

To make a long story short, my husband and I walked into that emergency room believing our child had died.  Amazingly, an ultrasound told us otherwise.  The heart was beating strong.  Still, our doctor stated with no ambiotic fluid, a miscarriage was inevitable and offered to terminate the pregnancy.  My husband and I knew as long as there was a heart beat, it was not our place to decide the baby's fate.  After a night of observation at the hospital, I was sent home.  We were told the baby would miscarry within the next 72 hours.

Well, 72 hours turned into days, days into weeks, and weeks into months.  I am now 26+3 days pregnant with this little one.  The journey has not been easy.  The first several weeks the option of termination was presented to us numerous times.  There was no advice given to me by my doctor on what to do to increase the baby's chances.  I know now it's because of inexperience on her part.  They say pPROM happens only in 1% of pregnancies.  Most doctors never experience this!  Chris and I searched in vain for websites about my condition.  It wasn't until I stumbled upon the http://www.kanalen.org/prom/ that we had something to hope for.  If you are experiencing pPROM, please go to this website if  you haven't already.  The format is wonderful--full of stories and step by step guides of what to do.  This was the advice I used.   

The first couple of weeks were definitely the most difficult.  Bedrest was advised.  To go from a fully-functioning mommy, to a person only allowed to shuffle from bed to couch to bathroom was like taking my life away.  Not being able to tuck in my kids each night, or nurse them when they were sick hurt my heart to no end.  Watching my husband work a 13 hour day and come home to do the MY jobs me made me feel guilty.  I was sacrificing my life for  this one little being inside me.  It was a challenge for me and a challenge for my entire family.  They say God doesn't give you what you can't handle.  I guess God felt we were up for a fight!

I was on bedrest for 10 weeks before I was admitted to the hospital.  During that time, I saw the doctor twice a week for about a month, and then once a week since I was stable.  The doctor would test me for infection, take my vitals, and check the baby's heartbeat.  I saw a perinatologist twice for in depth ultrasounds.  These trips always proved to do nothing but make my husband and I miserable.  There was never any measurable amniotic fluid and the specialist just went down the line of what could possibly go wrong with this baby.  We knew she was obligated to do this; however, some of her side remarks we very negative, uncaring, and uncalled for.  At our 20 week ultrasound, the baby's heart appeared to take up much of his chest cavity and his stomach was larger in size (often called a bell-shaped chest).  We were told then that the lungs didn't look like they were developing so "why even bother trying?"  Can you imagine!!!??  At our next OB appointment, Chris and I expressed our concern about this and that's when our doctor assured us she would do everything possible to give this baby a chance.  That's all we wanted to hear.  We opted not to see the specialist again.  Our respect for our OB grew that day as well.

At 24 weeks, October 1st, I was admitted into the hospital.  I cannot tell you how nervous I was for this transition.  I don't think I had a good night's sleep the whole week before!  The sacrifices continued.  I had to leave my family and my home.  My husband became a single parent and my girls had to learn to be without their mother.  At this point, it's been a little over two weeks.  We are managing.  

In the hospital, I am definitely able to rest better.  I still leak everyday, several times.  Sometimes a gush, sometimes a trickle.  Still, it's not as much as when I was at home.  My baby is monitored for an hour every four hours around the clock.  This has lead to sleep deprivation, but it's totally worth it.  Hearing baby's heartbeat is very consoling.  Knowing if a problem arises and people are here to help also provides security.  I was also given steroid injections when I first got here.  This will help the baby's lungs develop should I go into labor any time soon BUT only if there are substantial lungs to work with.  Amniotic fluid helps create the baby's lungs.  Since my fluid is low, we do not know what the baby has.  We're still giving it our all though.

My family and I still have a long way to go.  The outcome is unknown, but we are giving it our best shot.  Whatever happens we'll take heart in that.  

I'm hoping this blog will help others going through this.  Whatever my outcome is, you should NOT give up hope.  What we're going through is rare.  The doctors can quote statistics, but when it comes down to it, they have no clue.  

I also want to take this time to thank all of those who have been so kind to us.  Since this has happened, we have received an outpouring of support from friends, family, and even strangers.  There are so many good people in this world.  This situation has proved that to me, my husband, and my daughters.  Even if we can never thank you personally, know your words and actions have been appreciated.